I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
