Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
