I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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