why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
