why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My pussy is not your playground.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We're too hungover to prance.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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