did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
