Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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