you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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