i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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