I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
