On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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