but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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