garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
