Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
as a side note pls kill me
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