im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
