this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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