there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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