Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
