I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
