He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
