Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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