OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize