I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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