mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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