Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
