my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
