also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize