if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You left your phone here
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