Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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