90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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