Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
