I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
