dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
