she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
