Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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