She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
