When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
