If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
