i just wanna soil my oats bro
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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