8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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