we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
