Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
