it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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