You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
