I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
