i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize