I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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