And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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