She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
4 words: hood of his car
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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