You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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