plz talk dirty to me
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
