if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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