I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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