You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
