I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
