once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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