Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
