girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
