i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
