i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize