Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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