cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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