Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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