I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i wish my penis had a tongue
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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