im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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