i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
