When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
