the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
