The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
